Lost Years
by Ayoma
Summary: Byffy/Faith romance - Buffy and Faith knew eachother five years ago when Buffy was 13 and Faith 16. Now Buffy is back in the town where they first met. Is Faith still there? AU
1. Prologue The Bay

The sharp and shallow intakes of breath made my head spin, and I plopped down onto the sand letting my eyes travel over the twilight sky. As I lay there, gazing at stars millions of light-years away, I could feel the cool evening breeze grace my damp body and I could hear the soft sound of small waves finding their way into my little bay. I absent-mindedly traced a pattern in the sand with my fingers, and at the same time I pictured her. I smiled and stroked my stomach, and I lifted my leg up really high as if I could touch the stars with my sandy toes. I grinned at this and rolled around, letting out a giggly laugh. I couldn't help but think how lost I was – how lost I was in _her._


	2. Love at first sight

I was 18, and this was the second time I visited this place with my family. An idyllic small-town called Wilmington by the sea in North Carolina. I lived in California, but we have relatives here, and my mom decided that it was time to visit them again. I would agree with that, considering the last time we were here was when I was 13. That was five years ago. It seemed like the longest time, but when I thought back on that wonderful summer, it felt like less than that. I really had been the most wonderful summer ever. Not because I got to escape this hellhole called Palm Lake, but because I met the most amazing person in the world. Her name was Faith, and she was 3 years older than me. Despite of her being 16 and my being 13, she liked spending time with me. 

We met in a little bay the fourth night I was there. It was just getting dark and I had decided to take a little walk by myself before bed. I had walked a long time without knowing where I was headed, and just as I was about to turn back, I spotted a little path leading down to a small bay with a tiny beach. When I got there I saw that there was already someone sitting in the sand. It was a girl who looked to be around 17 years of age, and as she rose to see who was coming I immediately noticed how incredibly beautiful she was. Her hair was dark brown and wavy, reaching a couple of inches past her shoulders, and her eyes were perfect. I just stood there looking at her, taking in every feature of her face until I noticed that she was grinning at me. I abruptly broke eye contact with her and composed myself. As I was walking closer to the girl I intended to not notice her still looking at me. I sat down a few feet away from her and felt extremely self-conscious as I took a deep breath. I had no idea why I felt so uncomfortable just because there was a beautiful - no, make that gorgeous - girl sitting next to me. I was pondering whether to leave or not when she decided to say something to me. 

'Hey. I'm Faith. This is my little bay you've found here, but feel free to stay. It's a nice place to come to when you wanna be alone to think and relax, y'know.' 

I looked up at her and she was smiling at me again. She had moved closer and I could feel myself breaking into a grin at her words, but mostly at being smiled to by someone as beautiful as her. 

I finally managed to find my voice and answered her. 'Hey, Faith, I'm Buffy!' 

An amused look crossed her face, and I knew that she was yet another person who found my name stupid. My smile quickly faded and I turned my head away. 

'Yeah…Buffy. I know it's a stupid name,' I disappointedly muttered. 

'No, it's not. I like your name a lot,' she said. 'It's different. Unique. When someone calls your name, you won't be afraid to scream yes back 'cause you'll know they're calling for you.' She let out a laugh and I was amazed at how even her laugh was perfect. I looked back at her with a tiny smile. 

'Thanks. That's really nice of you, Faith. Your name is special, too. It's one of my favourite names, actually. Wanna switch?' I finished that question off with a flashing smile, and she returned it and playfully punched my arm. It felt good. 

'I'd love to, lil' missy, but you look too much like a Buffy and I look too much like a Faith, so I guess we'll just have to deal.' We both laughed, and it felt like I had known this girl for more than 3 minutes. 

'So, what's a girl your age doing here by herself at this time of night?' she asked in a feigned authoritative voice. 

'I was just taking a walk. Since I'm gonna be staying here for the next three months, I wanted to see what's around, you know. Plus, I wanted to think, like you said. I saw this bay, and it looked like a good place to do just that. I didn't know anyone was here. And what do you mean "your age"? I'm 13, and it's nine o'clock. I don't even go to bed this early when I have school.' She patted the top of my head as if wanting to console me, and I put on a pout. Again I heard that cute laugh. 

'Well, sweetie: I didn't mean to offend you but, hey! I'm 16, and teasing 13-year-olds is, according to a lot of people, what I am supposed to do. I won't anymore, though. Let's just say this, ok? You scratch my back, and I scratch yours.' 

I knit my eyebrows and looked at her puzzled. She sighed. 'That is grown-up language for be nice to me, and I'll be nice to you. Oops. I did it again. Sorry!' She gave me an apologetic look. 'Damn! And how I love those back rubs!' she said in a louder voice. 

I laughed at that, feeling like I was older than I was. Despite of the way she was humouring herself at my age, it felt like she treated me like an equal, and not just a little kid who got in the way. 

'No worries. Just turn around, and I'll work some wonders on that tired, old back of yours.' That earned me another punch on the arm, which I returned, laughing loudly. 

'Ouch! Go easy on a poor, old bastard. Nah…guess I deserved that one. Hey, B! Wanna go explore some more before it gets too dark? Don't tell anyone, but I'm scared of the dark still.' 

She got up and reached out her hand to help me up. I looked up at her, and as I grabbed her hand I felt something run through me. For some reason I didn't want to let go. I smiled at the nickname she had just given me. 

'Thanks, F. Your secret's safe with me. What do you know...I think I just rubbed your back there, girl.' Faith draped her arm around my shoulder and responded lightly. 'I think you just did, girlfriend.'

That was the beginning of what was going to be the most fantastic three months of my life. We became the best of friends, and there wasn't a thing in the world that I didn't feel like I could share with her. I am pretty sure she felt the same way about me. We spent almost every waking moment together, talking and laughing. I used to sneak out a night and we would stay up all night just talking in our little bay; we even named it: Bay Faffy: a compound of both our names. Not the most inventive name, no; I am aware of that, but it was the only thing we could think of in between our frequent tickle fights and laughing fits. 

It felt so good being with her. I loved her so much, and as the end of the holidays approached, I started to feel like something was dying inside of me. I know it sounds like a clichéd, stupid metaphor, but that's actually what it felt like. We tearfully parted that day, clinging to each other like one of us would die if we let go. To me, that was close to the truth. For some reason, we didn't exchange addresses or phone numbers; why is still a mystery to me. Our minds must have been messed up at that time. All I could think about was how I was never going to see her again. The existence of telephones and letters seemed to magically slip my mind; hers, too. 


	3. Going back

I was awakened by the yelling of my overstressed mother. From what I could hear, she couldn't find something very essential for the trip, and it was driving her completely crazy.

I immediately thought that this was the day; this was the day we were leaving for North Carolina. This was the day I would maybe see her again. A strong tingle spread inside my stomach, and I felt slightly dizzy. 

I sighed and picked up my alarm-clock to check the time. '4:35?! That just can't be right.' As id reading my mind, my mom knocked on the door. 'What is it, mom?' I asked, while putting on my tank-top. 'Honey, it's 8:30, and our plane leaves in an hour. You have to be ready to go in 45 minutes. Why are you still in bed, anyway? I told you to set the alarm on 8 sharp. I'm all ready to go; I've just gotta find my brush, which seems to have mysteriously disappeared.' 

I could hear her descend the stairs, and I hurried into the bathroom to take a quick shower. 'I can't believe that stupid alarm-clock decided to die on me today! What's wrong with picking a school day, or any other day when I'm not possibly meeting the most important person to me ever?' I was annoyed at having to be stressed on top of the nervousness of my maybe seeing Faith again after all these years. 

In the cab on our way to the airport, I was silent, and I suddenly felt my mom looking at me worriedly. I looked up at her and gave her a slight smile. 'What?' I asked. 

'What's on your mind, honey? Are you upset about not seeing your friends for three months?' She really didn't know anything. Faith could replace all my friends, and I wouldn't even miss them. I know that sounds cruel, but it's how I felt. I had never met anyone as wonderful as her, and the little voice in my head that told me there was a possibility that Faith had moved to another city, or worse: another state, was what caused my silence. 

I realized that I had yet again managed to get lost in thought, and that I still hadn't answered my mother. 'No, they're going away, too, anyway. I was just thinking about the last time we visited Aunt Chloe and Uncle Jeff. I really liked it there. I didn't wanna go back, really…' 

My mom chuckled. 'Yes, I remember. I had to practically drag you into the cab. What was it that you liked so much there?' 

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I pictured Faith's face in my mind. 'I met someone there.' I tried hard to blink the tears away, but to no avail. My mom looked at me quizzically. I just wiped the tear from my cheek and went on, desperately wanting to share my bottled up feelings. 

'She was the best friend I've ever had. We did everything together, and we talked about all our most embarrassing secrets. She was amazing, and I felt so at ease with her. I shared things with her that I would never ever tell anyone else. Not anyone. I just…I just miss her so much. All these years, I've been thinking about her; what she's doing, and how she's doing. It was unbearable the first year after we came back home.' 

I was crying more now, and my breath kept hitching as I talked, but I didn't care; I had to get it all out. 

'I used to cry every night in my bed. I had gotten so dependant on her. I mean, she was like my twin-soul! That sounds stupid, but it was like we were one and the same. It's hard to explain it, but she made me feel like I was someone important. She cared about everything I said and did, like that was all that mattered to her in this world. I just…I loved her, mom. It's rare to get that attached to someone in just three months, isn't it?' I looked up at her, and she was rubbing my arm comfortingly. 

'Well, honey…I can tell that this girl was, is, very important to you, and you're right, it is hard to get that attached to someone in such a short period of time, but if you click, it certainly can happen. I think you should've told me about this sooner. I take it you didn't get each other's phone number and addresses?' she asked calmly. 

'No, we didn't. I don't know what made us not exchange. I've wondered about that for 5 years now,' I stated, my voice strained from trying to stop crying. 

'I could've helped you, sweetie. You must be anxious about seeing her again,' she said. 

I sniffled and let out a shallow laugh. 'Yeah, I would be. If I weren't so incredibly worried that she might've moved away from Wilmington. I mean, why would she stick around? There are no colleges anywhere near there, from what I know. But on the other hand, maybe she's visiting her parents for the summer. Then again, can I be sure that her parents are still living there? Maybe Faith lives in, like, Oregon now and is staying with her friends this summer?' I was throwing my arms around, giving away exactly how frustrated I was. 

'Faith? College? How old is she?' My mom made an attempt to break off my wild rambling. 'She would be 21 now,' I said, finally calming down. 

'She's three years older than you,' mom said, 'which means she was 16. A girl of 13, and a girl of 16. That's a big difference.' I smiled at this and said, 'That didn't matter to us, mom. I felt 16 when I was with her, anyway. Or maybe she reverted to the mind of a 13-year-old.' I laughed at the memory of Faith dancing the chicken-dance, and continued, 'We were just being us; not numbers,' I said; yet again feeling tears forming in my eyes. 

Mom pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and reassuringly told me in a low voice, 'I believe you, honey. I believe you, and I promise you I'll help you find her if she's not living there anymore.' I leaned into her embrace and smiled a thank you. 


	4. Dinner and revelations

When our taxi arrived at my Aunt and Uncle's house later that day, I was at the same time extremely excited and nervous about maybe seeing Faith and also afraid that I wasn't, and never would again. Jeff and Chloe could tell, and they asked me what was wrong. I brushed it off by giving them a big smile and telling them that it was really great to see them again. 

Later at dinner, I ate my too much food, another result of my restlessness. Mom and the others chatted eagerly about everything and nothing, but I couldn't really hear anything, because all I could think about was different ways in which my meeting with Faith would play out. I really had to mentally slap myself. 

'Don't get your hopes up, you idiot!' I muttered through clenched teeth. 

All of a sudden, everyone was looking curiously at me. 'Something you wanted to say, Buffy?' my mom asked. 'Um…No, mom. It's nothing, really. Just thinking about…Stuff. You know.' I knew she understood what I meant, and that's why she decided not to dwell on it. 

Instead, she turned to Aunt Chloe. 'This food is delicious, Chloe! Did you make it all yourself?' she asked her. A smiled grazed both Chloe's and Jeff's lips. 'No, that would have taken me forever, and the food would start to decompose before I even finished it all.' They all shared a long laugh, and I pictured Faith doing the same thing for the millionth time that day. 

I continued staring into the wall across the room, as I conjured up another memory. I broke it off soon, though, only because I suddenly wondered why I was sitting here not doing anything instead of going out to look for Faith. It was all I wanted to do, really, but I felt that I should at least give Jeff and Chloe one night with my mom and me. 

The others were still talking about the food, and my mom asked Chloe, 'Now tell me, where did you get all this delicious food?' Chloe answered eagerly, 'We ordered it from this excellent restaurant in town. The new owner even delivers. His daughter is working for him this summer, and she is just so great. Top service, I tell you. She even took interest in listening to me ramble on about the wonders of ordering take-out.' Jeff smiled and touched his wife's hand. 'Honey, that was probably just out of hospitality. I could see the poor girl fidgeting.' Chloe smacked his arm, feigning annoyance. He just smiled at her. 

'Maybe I should thank her personally for being of such help to us the next time we order,' Chloe suggested to Jeff. 'If only I could remember names, then it would help me a great deal. Do you remember, Jeff?' 

Jeff closed his eyes to think a moment and then spoke up, 'Faith. Her name's Faith.' My head shot up the second he said her name, and I could feel my heart race as if it were the heart of a mouse. I had managed to drop my fork onto the plate, and they were now all staring at me, wondering what exactly had made me act so strange from the moment I arrived there. 

I watched as realization struck my mom, and she grinned at me. Before any of them had time to ask me what was wrong, I shot out a string of questions. 

'How old is she?! How does she look?! Where does she live?!' Chloe and Jeff each wore an expression of surprise at my sudden outburst. 

'Well, she told me she was 21, and to tell you the truth, she's drop dead gorgeous. Her hair is dark, thick and wavy, and her eyes are big and dark brown. Why do you want to know, anyway, Buffy? Do you know her?' Chloe wondered.

'No kidding. That girl could easily win the Miss World contest,' Jeff stated, winking at Chloe. Upon seeing the look on her face, he quickly added, 'But she doesn't stand a chance against you, my beautiful one.' 

Chloe shook her head and turned back to me. 'So, Buffy?' 

'She was my best friend five years ago,' I simply stated. It felt unreal. Faith had been in this house earlier that day. She had been in the same house that I was now just a few hours ago. She was really here. A grin spread across my face, and I felt suddenly light-headed and extremely energetic. I seriously wanted to jump onto the table and dance my skin off to the song playing in my head. 

I settled with giving Chloe a more detailed answer. 'Wow, this is such a shock. I thought she'd moved away for sure, but she's not…Wow. Do you…do you know where she lives, Aunt Chloe?' I asked, my body and my mind itching to go do something. Anything but stay here and not seeing Faith! I knew that she used to live in the apartment above her dad's grocery store, but when they'd driven past the building, it had been halfway torn down. 

I waited impatiently for Chloe to answer as I could see her thinking. 'I don't know where she lives, but she should be working at the restaurant right now. Why don't you make your way into town and see if you can find the girl, ok? We understand how important this is to you, so there's no need for you to feel bad about leaving on the first day here. The three of us will talk about the old days, which is something you probably don't want to hear about, anyway.' 

I leapt up from my chair, and to both her and my surprise, I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. 'You're the best!' I told her before turning to make my way out of the house. 

I turned on my heel as it came to my mind that I had no idea whatsoever where this restaurant was. 'Where is the restaurant exactly?' I said. 

'Do you know where the movie theatre is?' Jeff said. 'Yeah, and…?' I answered him, waving my hands to indicate my impatience. He smiled and finally said, 'Well, the restaurant is right across the street. You can't miss it.' I told him thanks, and heard my mom wish me good luck, just as the door slammed closed behind me. 


	5. Beauty

The evening air was humid and still warm from the intense heat of the day. The sun had just set, and again I was reminded of Faith. It would be dark soon, and I wondered if she was still afraid of the dark. I also thought about what Chloe had said about her. "She's drop dead gorgeous." Those were her exact words. 

'I guess some things never change,' I thought to myself as I picked up the pace and ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I barely avoided falling on both my ass and my face a number of times. 

When I got to the movie theatre, I looked across the street, and sure, there it was. Not to be mistaken for anything else than a gourmet restaurant called 'Delicious'. I felt my stomach turn to knots as I walked into the restaurant. The place was packed with people eating their late dinners, and there was a great number of waiters and waitresses trying to keep up with the appetites of all the customers. I went further into the restaurant, and as I came to a halt behind a tall plant, I could see dark, long and wavy hair. 

My breath stopped in my throat and all I could do was stare. I wanted to go over to her, but my legs felt like they were made of lid, or some other hard substance I didn't know the name of. I watched as she turned around to face a fellow waitress who was addressing her. My eyes went wider than they already were – if possible – because 15 feet ahead of me was Faith. And god was she beautiful. I couldn't remember seeing her this completely and incredibly gorgeous ever before, and I was mesmerized by the sole sight of her. I felt a jolt of all my feelings gathered into one shoot through my body, and it made me shiver. This was a feeling I only got when I saw Faith; now it was stronger, for obvious reasons. 

I could barely stay on my feet as she broke into a huge smile, and I think my brain short circuited when I heard her laugh. I had this overwhelming urge to just run over there and hug here like there was no tomorrow, and kiss all over her face again and again. Hell, I wanted to kiss her for real. I wanted to crush my lips to hers, and taste her. I wanted to run my hands through her dark tresses and I wanted to…I stopped my train of thoughts as I became aware of that I was having a sexual fantasy about my best friend in the middle of a restaurant full of rich, stuck-up people. 

I took a deep breath, and looked at her one final time. 'Faith, it's really you,' I thought to myself, 'and that outfit looks too good on you.' I had to gather all the willpower possible to turn around and leave the restaurant. Leaving was the direct opposite of what I really wanted to do, but I reasoned my actions by telling myself that I could risk getting her fired by being the savage that I was. 

As I excited the restaurant, I longed to go back inside and see her again, but I gave myself a mental slap and started to walk quickly away, so as to not give into the temptation. 

When the restaurant was out of sight, I broke into a run, and I decided to visit my and Faith's bay. The way there could be tricky to remember, but you could blindfold me and I would still find the way. I thought about Faith again, and I screamed with joy; beginning to run faster than I thought possible. 

The sharp and shallow intakes of breath made my head spin, and I plopped down onto the sand letting my eyes travel over the twilight sky. As I lay there, gazing at stars millions of light-years away, I could feel the cool evening breeze grace my damp body and I could hear the soft sound of small waves finding their way into our little bay. I absent-mindedly traced a pattern in the sand with my fingers, and at the same time I pictured her. I smiled and stroked my stomach, and I lifted my leg up really high as if I could touch the stars with my sandy toes. I grinned at this and rolled around, letting out a giggly laugh. I couldn't help but think how lost I was – how lost I was in _her. _

I sighed while thinking back on what had happened when I saw her. 'Why the hell did I leave, anyway? What am I, scared of her? No, I did the right thing, 'cause when we meet each other again, I want her to have time for me; not be busy working. But God, I love her _so_ much! And she's like the most gorgeous person I've _ever_ seen. Of course she was five years ago, also, but now she's just…wow! Miss World, my ass. Miss All-words-are-inadequate is more like it.' 

I kept talking out loud, although I, of course, was the only one there. My feelings were just too strong to keep inside my head, and I could barely keep myself from yelling them out at the top of my lungs.

I lay there for a long time, just listening to the sounds of the ocean, and the occasional boats making their way in and out of the town harbour. It was all so familiar, and it reminded me so much of Faith. Various things we did back then floated through my head, and that did absolutely nothing to remove the grin that seemed to be etched to my face. 

'You're crazy, Buffy,' I told myself. 'All you wanna do is be with her and hug her senseless, but what do you do? You walk away from her the moment you see her face. For the first time in five fucking years! Pretty ironic.' 

I finally noticed how dark it had gotten, and decided that I better get home and get some sleep. To tell the truth, I didn't really think I'd be getting any sleep that night; the reason being the non existent drug that was currently running through my body, making me feel so unbelievably happy and restless.

When I came back to the house, the others were sitting out back talking and laughing, and I snuck up to avoid any questions concerning Faith that I didn't want to answer. If there was one thing in this world I didn't want them to notice, it was that I was pretty sure I was in love with Faith. 


	6. First kiss

I undressed quickly and slipped under the covers. As I closed my eyes, images of Faith appeared as expected, and it would be long until I was too tired from all this tension to not fall asleep. But before that happened, my mind had drifted back to the day when Faith had showed me the wonders of lip-locking and saliva-exchanging. We had been sitting in the bay as usual, and she had been telling me that she had kissed two people in her life. People, not guys. 

'I'm serious, Buffy. You may think that a hot girl like me has many volunteers,' she said, smirking, 'but I only kiss people I like. I've never done more than kissing, though, 'cause I'm saving my groping virginity and the you-know-which virginity for that special someone, y'know.' She made a grunting sound and moaned 'yes' a few times to make me blush, which I naturally did, being 13 and all. Not to mention that the girl I was developing a crush on, was talking to me about this. 

She laughed hard and pointed at my face before asking me the question that would lead to my best experience that summer. Hell, the best experience of my whole life as of today. 

'So, B? Has anyone had the pleasure of lip-locking with you yet?' She winked at me and grinned as I blushed an impossible shade of red. 

'No, Faith. I'm sorry to disappoint you, 'cause now there's nothing for you to tease me about,' I said and stuck my tongue out at her. She faked a frown which only made me grin 'cause of the huge cuteness factor. 

'Aren't you curious about it? How it feels?' I looked away, embarrassed, and wondered how she managed to do that to me. I had talked about this before with my friends, so it wasn't because of the subject. 

'Well, yeah, I guess,' I mumbled, suddenly taking a big interest in my nails. ''Cause I could show you, B,' she said lightly, and my head shot up to meet her questioning eyes. 

'Wh-what?' I asked wide-eyed, unable to believe what I had just heard. She grinned and said, 'c'mere, girlfriend!' while holding out her hand to me. I moved closer, feeling incredibly unsure of myself; something that was unusual for me when being with Faith. I always used to feel at ease and completely safe with her. 

I sat down in front of her, and we were both sitting Indian style. Her face was so close, and all I could do was stare at that beautiful face which never ceased to amaze me, but her voice snapped me out of it. 

'You want me to show you? It's good, 'cause you don't have to worry about doing it wrong when it's me, y'know,' she told me with a reassuring smile. 

But I _was_ worried about doing it wrong, 'cause to me, she was more than a friend. Still, I responded, 'Yeah, you're right, but tell me if I do something totally weird, ok? I don't wanna make a complete idiot out of myself, Faith.' 

Leaning closer, she whispered, 'Just follow me.' My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't tell one beat from the other, and as our lips touched I could swear I'd never felt so good in my entire life. It was soft, warm and wonderful. My nervousness flew out the window, and I just let myself get swept up in that warm tingle that spread through my whole body. It was a gentle, yet earth shattering kiss, and I never wanted to stop kissing this angel that made me feel so loved. We had wrapped our arms around each other almost instantly, and the kiss must've lasted at least a minute before she broke it off. I don't really think she wanted to, though; something I can understand perfectly. Our faces were still only a couple of inches apart, and we both had silly smiles on our faces. 

'Wow,' she started, 'that was something, B. I'm not gonna hold back and not tell you that you, girlfriend, are one hell of a great kisser!' I blushed, but just grinned at her, feeling even more attracted and amazed by her than before. 

Even though it happened five years ago, the memory of it was still fresh in my mind. You don't just forget something like that too easily. 


	7. Nervousness

When I woke up the next morning, it was to the smell of pancakes and coffee. I checked the watch my mom had gotten me at the airport, and raised an eyebrow. 'Who eats breakfast at 8 in the morning? I don't get what's wrong with 11, but sure.' 

When waking up at this hour, I would usually go right back to sleep for another few hours, but today I had no desire at all to stay in bed. I was too excited about the whole Faith issue to lie still. I was surprised that I had even managed to fall asleep last night, because when thinking about Faith, all I wanted to do was jump around screaming and smiling. 

I took a quick shower, put on a tight tank top and a skirt reaching mid-thigh. I did a quick once-over of my looks and slowly padded down the stairs. As I entered the kitchen, Chloe and Jeff were busy making breakfast and setting the table. 

Chloe smiled at me and said, 'Good morning, Buffy. It's good to see you're up. Now I won't have to be mean and wake you up myself.' 

Jeff looked over his shoulder at me. 'Morning, Buffy.' I pulled out a chair and sat down. 'This morning is pretty good, yeah,' I said, smiling at Chloe. 

She sat down next to me and asked, 'Did you find what you were looking for last night?' I tried to stop the dreamy grin that appeared on my face the second I thought about Faith again, but it was impossible. 'I take that as a yes,' she said, giving me a small smile and a laugh. 

'Yeah, well, I saw her, but she didn't see me. I decided that it would be smart not to show up in the middle of a busy shift. The restaurant was packed with customers waiting to be served, and I want to have time to really catch up with her, you know. 'Cause there sure is a lot to catch up on,' I replied nonchalantly, thinking that she would see right through me, and know that Faith was more to me than just a lost friend if I didn't play it cool. 

Before she had a chance to say more, I changed the subject. 'Where's mom, anyway?' 'Oh, Joyce went out for a little walk about ten minutes ago. She'll be back soon to join us for breakfast,' she said as Jeff put the food on the table. 

Mom returned just then, and she sat down beside me, giving me a smile. Breakfast was nice, and as I expected, mom asked me pretty much the same things as Chloe had done. I think I succeeded in hiding my overexcitement, but I think maybe my cautiousness was a bit overdone, because there's nothing wrong with being excited about seeing an old friend. It doesn't have to mean that you're in love with that person, but I guess it's the same as being too denying when you know you've done something wrong. Not that being in love with a girl is wrong…'cause it's not, you know. Anyway, that's not what I meant; it wasn't an analogy or anything. Just a comparison of feelings, to put it correctly.

After breakfast I helped clean up, and then hurried upstairs to fix myself up a bit. I wasn't vain or anything, I just had a desire to look my best when Faith would see me for the first time in five years. I sure had changed a lot, but you could still easily tell that I was the same person. Bodywise, it was a totally different story. I could safely say that that was the part of me that had changed most; as could be expected. 

I checked myself out in the huge wardrobe mirror and, finally, after about 5 minutes, decided that I was good to go. 

'I'll say, B. Not lacking in the looks department, girlfriend!' I said, mocking Faith's way of speaking. 

I suddenly realized what I'd done and made my way into the bathroom. 'Stupid Buffy. So stupid! You shouldn't get your stupid hopes up about Faith. She probably doesn't feel the same way as you do, anyway. And besides, your mom or someone could've heard you. And why on earth am I referring to myself as "you"?' I berated myself while pacing back and forth in the bathroom, trying to calm my hormones that seemed to not care about my sanity. 

I calmed down and unpacked my make-up. I tried to be careful so as to not put on too much of the stuff, but still, it was a tad more than usual, but I was sure no one would notice. Well, maybe not so sure after all, because it only made that sinking feeling of my mom figuring it all out stronger. No matter what she would think, what Faith thought was way more important to me right now, so I would have to stop worrying so much about my mom.

I put my stuff away in my bedroom, and made my way down the stairs singing pieces of the song that was currently playing on repeat in my head. I turned left and walked into the living room, grinning at my mom who was retrieving her sunglasses from a table by the fireplace. 

I could hear Chloe and Jeff cheerily talking out back. They were probably relaxing in the shade from the parasol, while enjoying fresh lemonade and the morning newspaper. I had difficulties understanding why they hardly used that swimming pool of theirs. Thoughts about Faith and me together in the pool began to form in my mind, and I mentally slapped myself to stop the process. 

'Buffy, are you leaving to look for Faith right away, or would you like to join us outside? This is too lovely a day to spend indoors,' mom said and put on her sunglasses. 

My smile faltered and I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. 'Uh, I don't know…' I knew what I wanted to do, but it wasn't even 9 in the morning yet, so I reasoned that Faith might still be asleep. 'I'll just hang out with you guys for a while. It's too early to go visiting people, anyway,' I told her and moved out into the sunlight. 

Jeff and Chloe were, as I had guessed, sitting by the backyard table catching up on the latest news and the latest Hollywood gossip; Chloe had always been a sucker for the glamour. Mom and I each pulled out a chair and helped ourselves with some lemonade. 

Aunt Chloe looked at me, surprised. 'Buffy, I thought you'd get out of here the minute you had the chance. What happened to the happy reunion you probably had planned with Faith?' she asked, winking at me. 

I could feel myself blushing violently at what she just said and did, and I was afraid she'd wonder why. It shouldn't be such a big deal, after all. If I weren't in love with Faith, it wouldn't be. I just smiled at her, and quickly told her how it was too early; gracefully adding how hot I thought it was outside to make her believe that this was the reason for the colour of my face. To my relief, she just nodded and turned back to her magazine. 

I picked up a magazine whose cover sparked my interest and, to my surprise, it was already nine thirty when I finished it. I noticed that the others had left me, and had made themselves comfortable in the chairs at the side of the pool, frying themselves under the hot summer sun. I contemplated joining them, but I was too upbeat about the whole Faith thing to lie still. I really wanted to go find Faith, but something was stopping me from leaving the house – I realized that I was extremely nervous about it all – that's why I kept making these stupid excuses and procrastinating it by doing unnecessary things. 

'Stop being such a wimp,' I thought to myself, 'and get your ass down to that restaurant - to Faith!' I put the magazine back on the table and got out of the chair I'd been sitting in. As I was starting to walk over to tell the others I was going out for a while, the doorbell rang. Upon Jeff asking me to open the door, I jogged slowly into the house


End file.
